Emor - The Intelligence of Respect (From last year 2024)

 

We are currently observing the period of sefirat ha'omer, when we refrain from festive celebrations and from haircutting and shaving, as we mourn the tragic death of Rabbi Akiva's thousands of students.  The Gemara (Yevamot 62b) famously teaches that Rabbi Akiva's students died as a punishment for their failure to treat each other with proper respect: שלא נהגו כבוד זה בזה.

 

The obligation to treat people with respect is exceedingly difficult – far more difficult than we tend to think.

 

Elsewhere, in Masechet Nedarim (81a), the Gemara makes the observation that many Torah scholars have children who do not follow their father's example, and do not become Torah scholars themselves.  The Gemara proceeds to bring several possible reasons why this is so.  One reason, offered by Rav Ashi, is striking.  Rav Ashi said: משום דקרו לאינשי חמרי – "Because they call people 'donkeys'."  According to Rav Ashi, many great Rabbis are not worthy of having children who become great Rabbis because they look down on other people, and they treat them like "donkeys."

 

I find this Gemara very frightening. 

 

I find it frightening because there is no question that the Rabbis described by the Gemara did not intend to treat people like "donkeys."  If we are aware of the obligation to treat people with respect, then obviously great Rabbis are also aware of this mitzvah.  But many of them are still guilty of treating others like "donkeys" without realizing it.  Why?

 

The answer is that when somebody is good at something, when he is accomplished in any area, it is so easy for him to look down on, and to disrespect, other people who aren't as good as he is in that area.  If a person is an accomplished Torah scholar, it is so easy for him to look down on people who aren't Torah scholars.  If a person is a successful businessman with lots of money, it is so easy for him to look down on people who earn a modest livelihood and live simply.  When a person excels in some professional field, it is so easy for him to look down on people who aren't familiar with his field.

 

Treating people with respect does not come naturally.  It is a skill that we need to learn and develop.  It requires thought and effort. 

 

King Shlomo instructs us in Mishleh (3:4), ומצא חן ושכל טוב בעיני אלוקים ואדם – "And find favor and sound wisdom in the eyes of G-d and man."  This means that finding favor in people's eyes requires שכל טוב – a good deal of intelligence.  We need to be smart.  We need to think carefully and understand how people work.  And we need to be aware of ourselves, of our tendency to feel superior to others, so we can resist this tendency.

 

There is also another reason why the Gemara says that some outstanding scholars treat others like "donkeys." 

 

When a person strives for greatness, he might feel entitled to knock over other people in the process.  If a person is ambitious and does great things, he could forget about the basic, simple things.  He might not take the time to give people his attention and to extend himself to help them.  In other words, a person who is preoccupied with being great might neglect being good.

 

This, too, requires שכל טוב, wisdom and intelligence.  Of course we must pursue greatness – but with the שכל טוב to remember to be not just great, but good, that the amazing things we're involved in do not absolve us of our basic obligations toward other people.

 

During this period of sefirat ha'omer, let us try to develop this שכל טוב, the wisdom to treat all people with respect, no matter who they are. - Rabbi Joey Haber

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https://itorah.com/weekly-inspire/the-intelligence-of-respect-from-last-year-2024/15/29652